Right after Shaunti Feldhahn's book For Women Only came out in 2004, the ladies Bible study I taught spent a few weeks looking over it. Since I wasn't married (and was only in my mid-twenties at the time) - I stepped aside as the leader and our pastor and his wife stepped in to teach us about how men and women so easily misinterpret each other.
Before we did that series, I marched into the bookstore and purchased a copy of the book, underlining carefully along the way the nuggets of wisdom I found. And as Pastor Steve and Cheri spoke to us in those nights of Bible study, I leaned forward from my spot on the living room floor, soaking up all their words.
Can I say this to those of you who are single (or who know single people)? I am so grateful I invested so much of my twenties into preparing for marriage - including studying the principles Shaunti revealed in this book. It seemed stupid - even to me. I wasn't in a relationship. For the most part, I had no hope of finding a relationship. People raised an eyebrow when I read (in truth - devoured) books on love and marriage. They raised MORE eyebrows when I went to seminars and study groups on marriage. But I was desperate to soak in as much as I could...for someday.
I had no idea all the way back then that when God brought love to me, He would do so at breakneck speed. That I would date for two months and become engaged...for two months...and get married. All this time has been devoted to wedding planning and negotiating logistics of finances and households and schedules. And yet I'm not at all nervous to embark on this journey because I feel prepared.
Sure, I know I don't know everything. Sure, I'll mess up. Sure, I have a lot to learn. I know all those things. But because I read books like this one, I feel that I've done a good job of preparing - even when it seemed I was preparing in vain.
So to you...dear single friends out there...don't shy away from reading this book or any other marriage prep book. You never know when you might need a decade's worth of information in a few months...
And for you dear married friends...don't shy away from books like this one that might grow your marriage in wildly wonderful ways. You might be surprised what you can learn that would transform your relationship into something you never knew it could be.
Before I go...some nuggets of truth I learned from Shaunti's book For Women Only...years ago...that I implemented with Ryan from the beginning:
"A man deeply needs the woman in his life to respect his knowledge, opinions, and decisions."
"Women hold an incredible power in the way we communicate with our men...to build them up or to tear them down, to encourage or to exasperate."
"We can take every opportunity, in public and private, to demonstrate - by words and actions - how proud we are of our men and how much we trust them. Just as we love to hear 'I love you,' a man's heart is powerfully touched by a few simple words: 'I'm so proud of you.'"
"If a man knows that his wife believes in him, he is empowered to do better in every area of his life."
"At the most basic level, your man wants to be wanted."
"Do we love the men in our lives for who they are, or for who we want them to be? Do we want to support our husbands, or to change them?"
Powerful thoughts. And ones I am so glad I learned 8 years ago...and I hope to live out well as I begin my marriage.
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