Thankful in Suffering

Teske Drake was our guest today, and she talked to those who have faced miscarriage and infant loss. Those of you who have walked that road know what a painful thing it is to have to say goodbye to a sweet baby you wanted and learned to love...often before you even got to meet him or her.

I've never had a baby of my own, but my sister's first baby was stillborn 24 years ago, and then 12 years ago, some very dear friends of mine lost their first child on her sixth month birthday. Two funerals...two tiny caskets...two times my heart broke through completely in ways that have never completely healed...and I wasn't even their mommy.

To those of you who wonder when you will ever "get over it," I loved what Teske said. You don't. You walk through it. God walks with you, holding you and comforting you, but never will He look at you from Heaven and ask you to snap out of it and move on.

Please know that while we might not know your pain from personal experience, we ache for you, we love you, and we hope Teske's words give you hope today. (Please, please go to her website or check out her book if you are walking this road - even many years after it happened - and find encouragement from her!)

And I also want to say to you today...as we walk through this month of thankfulness...that today I'm thankful for the way God has used suffering in my life to draw me to Him.

When I was 10 years old and that doctor walked in the hospital waiting room to tell me (and our family) that my sister was fine but they'd lost the baby, I was not much more than a baby Christian myself. But God used the painful loss of that sweet little boy to speak to my heart and teach me that life is hard...but God is good. And faithful.

And when I was just out of college and I received the phone call that little Carol had died unexpectedly...I had no choice but to collapse at the foot of God's throne and offer Him my brokenness. And He offered love and healing and the reminder of my need for Him.

And there have been other losses as well. Some rocked me until I wasn't even sure my next breath would form in my lungs. You might know those kinds of losses in your own life.

I'm thankful for them.

I'm thankful I can say it is well with my soul. I'm thankful for the lessons I learned. I'm thankful for the comfort I can now offer to others out of the depths of comfort I received when I was in that moment. I'm just thankful. It is NOT easy to be thankful for suffering when it's happening. Those are the moments when I just want to pound the air with my fists and exclaim all the reasons why my trial is NOT fair.

But those moments made me who I am. They are the ways God has chosen to use to shape me. Refine me. Remind me of my dependence on His holiness and sovereignty.

And I'm thankful.