Getting Unstuck

During almost 30 years of hosting Mid-Morning, I've absorbed the wisdom and insights of many of the country's most-respected psychologists and life coaches, including Dr. John Townsend of Boundaries fame, and Dr. Jennifer Degler, an intuitive, discerning and sassy psychologist who swaddles her advice in a southern twang.


There's an issue that repeatedly emerges in questions callers, especially women, ask guests who specialize in relationships: getting unstuck. The scenarios vary -- everything from a friend who is always 15 minutes late, to an older sister who continually offers unsolicited advice. Getting unstuck questions invariably begin with these words: "How can I get him or her to stop...?"


But the more helpful question to ask is, Why do I let him or her ...? As Dr. Jennfer Degler puts it, "Failure to confront another person is permission to allow a behavior to continue."


What keeps us from confronting another person? There are several contributing factors, but passivity can be a key player. Here's what I've learned from Mid-Morning guests about overcoming passivity, that's helped me get unstuck in my professional and personal lives.


Passive people react to life, allowing it to happen to them. They spend a lot of time, as Dusty Springfield sang, "Wishin' and hopin' and dreamin'." The problem is those activities consume energy and only make you feel like you're actually doing something productive, when the reality is you're draining away minutes, even years, from your one and only life. The unwanted behavior continues and so does your frustration. Trust me. I know.


How do you move from passivity to action? By doing SOMETHING. You may not be ready to confront your tardy friend or your fountain-of-advice sister, but you can definitely kick-start some forward momentum and prepare yourself for the Big Moment by pulling yourself out of the pit of passivity.


First, take notice of all the times you say I don't care or any version of it: I don't care which movie we see. You choose where we go on vacation. It doesn't matter where we eat. The number will shock you.


Second, make a decision and speak up. This can be scary. Begin small. The next time someone says, "Let's go see a movie," reply, "Great. I've been wanting to see the new George Clooney movie" -- which, by the way, is terrific. Go see Monuments Men.


Don't despise small beginnings. God doesn't. Decisive acts build on each other. You'll grow comfortable and confident each time you voice your opinion and take action. Today you weigh in on where to eat, and tomorrow (or a month from now), you have a firm and frank discussion with your big sister about boundaries!