What a Week (In a Good Way)!

It's official: we've reached 36 years of married life. Yep, Tuesday, Doug and I celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary. Here we are on August 26, 1978.

Here we are on August 26, 2014.

The only challenge in choosing a card for Doug this year was narrowing it down to just one. So many captured how I feel about him, but this one said it best:

There were several years when the challenge of choosing an anniversary card was very different. Hallmark doesn't make cards with messages like . . .

Our marriage is miserable and I don't like you.

I wish we could start over...with different spouses.

Doug and I have both, at times, felt this way, which is why we are so grateful to not only still be married, but to be crazy-in-love, tender-hearted-toward-each-other, HAPPY-to-be-together married. A previous blog post explains what turned us around. Reading it again filled me to the brim with joy and gratefulness and made my eyes leak.

Thank you, God, for the gift of marriage. Thank you, God, for the gift of Doug. 

Thirty-seven, here we come!

No Formulas

I'm a rule girl.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh am I ever a rule girl.

This morning during our special BLT-on-Wednesday show, Lynne told a story about a drive-thru she visits that has a do-not-enter sign on one side of the parking lot. At times, she may {ahem} still choose to go that way, despite the fading sign. My OCD about busted through the studio windows when I heard that.

We have a do-not-enter section of a street close to our house, and every time I see a car driving the wrong way, I holler a quick driver's ed lesson to its driver {through the safety of my rolled up, tinted windows, of course} and mutter to Ryan that no one follows the rules anymore.

I do love me some rules.

But there's a difference between rules and formulas.

RULES are set in stone and were made to be followed. FORMULAS are expectations - and our lives don't all follow the same formulas.

This morning I read that Jill {Duggar} Dillard and her husband of eight weeks, Derick, announced they're expecting their first baby. I skimmed through the comments. Not all of them, as they numbered in the thousands. It was a divided camp. Many commenters said they weren't surprised...they were excited...and they wished them the best. Then there were those who said it was too soon. They hadn't dated courted long enough. They got married so quickly after they became engaged. A baby right away meant they hadn't had time to get to know each other or enjoy married life.

Jill and Derick didn't break any rules. But they have broken some formulas - and it seems people are very attached to the expectations of formulas and don't know what to do when they're not followed like rules.

Ryan and I had only told our friends, family, and church that we were dating about a week before he proposed. I understood that most people were under the impression that we did only date FOR a week before getting engaged, and that wasn't true. But it began the ruffling of the feathers that continued when we announced that we'd get married two months later. In Florida. Outside. And immediately after we got married, the baby questions began. Formulas swirled around us, and as we bucked one after the other, people didn't know what to do - other than tell us what we should do.

And it's not just about relationships.

Last night I had the privilege of hearing Colleen Coble speak about the writing process. She talked about how she researches for her novels, how she writes, edits, names her characters, comes up with ideas, and more. She spoke for about an hour and a half, and I drank in everything she said, learning from a successful writer.

But even as I listened, I noticed she writes in a wildly different pattern than I learned in college. She writes differently from some other writers I've studied. The things they preach as must-do steps...she skips entirely. The things that bring her so much joy {and success!} as an author would unglue some of the other writers I've studied.

And as I thought through these opposing patterns, I was reminded again that life is not a formula.

There is, of course, right and wrong. There are rules in certain settings. There is always God's unshakable truth.

But there are many...many...parts of life that are just formulas. Yours will look different from mine. And it doesn't mean you're right and I'm wrong. We're just different. And different is okay. Oh that we would celebrate it instead of criticize it!

It's okay that you don't understand my methods on everything and it's also fine that I don't understand yours.

God made us both...unique and precious in His sight.

I'm Bekah. I was born to a completed family and grew up as an only child, with sisters out of the house and married. I was single for 14 years of my adult life. When I found love, I found it quickly and transitioned into married life. We're cat parents and we love it. I love to scrapbook and document our lives on the blog and journal and bake desserts. I hate working out and eating vegetables, but I do both anyway. This is who I am.

You might be different. Not might be. You ARE different. And I celebrate you for being who you are and making the decisions you've made.

Let's give some rules-vs-formula-grace, my friends!

Can You Keep a Secret?

I'd just entered the warm, floaty world that hovers between sleep and wakefulness, when it happened. (Don't you love that lovely land?) I wasn't in bed, but nestled in our gravity-free recliner on the back patio, its canopy protecting me from the Sunday afternoon sun.

The. Glorious. Idea.

I'm a creative soul. But this thought that burst into my consciousness, fully formed, was so dissimilar from anything I've thought or done before, it had God's fingerprints all over it. What is it it, you ask?

I can't tell you.

I'm not withholding the news to tease or taunt you. I really want to share it. Did I say really? What I meant to say was I really, really, really want to share it, but can't...at least for now. God is telling me, Not yet. It's not time.

We keep very few things to ourselves these days. That's not right or wrong; it's just the way things are. But it seems to me our rush to tell, tell, tell can rob us of the treasure of blessings and graces God intends solely for us as His uniquely loved masterpieces, or for sharing with others once we've unwrapped and experienced the treasure in the perfect presence of Christ.

I remember when Doug and I first learned we were pregnant with our son. We couldn't wait to tell my parents a second grandchild was on the way, and to let Doug's mom know that she could begin buying Notre Dame onesies...finally. But we didn't, at least not until a few days after we'd received the confirmation. In the meantime we savored our secret, suggested names, and basked in the oneness of the relationship that was Us.

You and I are part of the body of Christ, the Church. And we are also individually known, chosen and named children of God. He sees you, He sees me, and bestows blessings and gifts that stir the you and me that only He truly knows.

If you're a parent, you get what I'm saying. You take your daughter to the theater to see Peter Pan because you know that when the "boy who wouldn't grow up" bursts through the Darlings' nursery window and flies out over the audience, that moment of freedom and sheer delight -- experienced with you, her mom or dad -- will lock itself in a room in your daughter's memory. Or when you gift your horse-crazy son with his first riding lesson, and he gallops around the arena without any tether, that moment of freedom and sheer delight -- experienced with you, his mom or dad -- will lock itself in a room in your son's memory. They may tell their siblings or friends about the experience. But, then again, they may do what Mary, the mother of Jesus, did: treasure it in their hearts.

That's what I'm doing, for now, with The. Glorious. Idea. But I'm not alone.

Jesus is treasuring it with me.

The Little Words

Last week during BLT, I told the story of going to the dentist...and the insane amount of fear I experienced prior to that initial appointment. I cried when I made the appointment. I cried most of the day leading up to it. I cried all the way there and all the way through the appointment.

Classy, party of one.

Before I left the office, Lynne dug through her dish of MudLove bracelets in search of one that fit my need. After deciding "Dig Deep" wasn't the appropriate fit, we settled on fear not.

I wore that bracelet to my appointment, and you can know I'll be wearing it to the big bad procedure I'll be undergoing later this month, and to every follow up appointment.

I rubbed my fingers over the words stamped in pottery while I sat in the chair that day...telling myself over and over the same words Christ spoke often in the Bible: fear not.

You know, He spoke a lot of little nuggets of wisdom wrapped up in a handful of words: love your neighbor, rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, do not worry, do not judge, ask seek and knock...

...just to name a few.

I am not a theologian, but I sure appreciate those who have that gift. I appreciate those who can study one sentence and learn enough about the time period, the culture, and the surrounding context to write a commentary to help us understand it.

I took a college class in Biblical Exegsis and spent an entire semester unpacking less than 10 verses in no less than a dozen ways. By the end of the semester, I had a thick paper with all my findings - and a whole lot of research under my belt. It was one of my favorite classes, and it gave me a whole new appreciation for the study of the Scriptures.

But as much as I love that approach to study, I am reminded if the simplicity of the Gospel. Jesus taught in stories and tiny sentences of direction that anyone can understand. His direction to fear not was just that...fear not. It wasn't  multi-step plan or a wall hanging or a three-day conference. It was two words spoken in gentle love: fear not.

The little words can mean the most. They're so simple that we feel we need to complicate them in some way. Research them. Figure them out. Speculate deeper meanings.

But sometimes it really is just that simple:

Fear not.

Love your neighbor.

Rejoice always.

Pray continually.

Give thanks in all circumstances.

Do not worry.

Do not judge.

Ask, seek, and knock.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.

Jesus, Tell Me That I'm Yours

Wednesday, recovering perfectionist and workaholic, Joan Webb, made a welcomed return visit to Mid-Morning to explain the way of intentional living.

 
There is something so incredibly disarming about Joan. Warm, open, humble, and infused with heavenly wisdom, the Life Coach, speaker, and author showed me (though I don't think she realized it) that intentional living is simply walking out the Greatest Commandment:

Jesus said, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. (Matthew 22:37)

I know. I know. I sound like a broken record, drawing a line from every, and I do mean every, aspect of being a follower of Jesus, back to this commandment; but our brother in the faith, that fisher-of-men, Peter, made it a point to remind his friends of important things they already knew because the stability of their faith depended on it (2 Peter 1:12).

Brennan Manning did the same. He laser-focused his writing and speaking on God's love. When asked why he didn't widen his circle of themes, he replied that he would -- once he'd exhausted the subject of God's love. The man was fierce and funny. Point taken, Brennan.

Since that conversation with Joan, I've also been thinking a lot about a call from a woman near the end of the show who wanted to know how to embrace her identity in Jesus. Intellectually, she knows who she is in Jesus -- a forgiven, beloved daughter; a holy, Spirit-filled saint with a certain future -- yet she remains unchanged by this reality. While she didn't say this, I imagine she:

• Battles insecurity and jealousy
• Compares herself with others
• Feels afraid, anxious, lonely, and unloved in the deepest part of her soul
• Suffers disappointment with herself and the course of her life

I know I did.

I read multiple books on the topic of a Christian's identity and waited for mine to take hold. Years went by. Older in Jesus but untouched by new creature status, that was me. How do we experience a truth like our new identity in Christ, or any of God's lavish, loving gifts for us? Through Jesus. It always comes back to Him, doesn't it?  He IS the YES! to all of all of God's Old and New Testament promises (2 Corinthians 1:19, 20), including our new identity as a wholly-loved and fully-accepted daughter.

To our sister who called -- and every other woman (and man) who struggles with their identity in Jesus -- give your mind to God to renew. Over and over again.

Renewing is Holy Spirit work. It's a supernatural effort that begins at an unconscious level and presses its way to awareness. So mysterious. So wondrous. So real. We're oblivious of its beginnings, and yet renewal eventually makes its way up (to our conscious thoughts) and out (to our actions)! The transforming, renewing of our minds resembles the growth process of a plant, pushing its way out of a hard-shelled seed - Up! Up! Up! - until it breaks through the soil and into the light of day.

It's a process. 

In one of the personal stories featured in The Intentional Woman , a woman, frustrated with waiting to see the results of course corrections in her life, moans, "Why is EVERYTHING a process?!" 

I hear you, friend. But Joan reminds us that, in the Bible, God sanctions process. Thank you, Joan. I have now memorized your succinct, brilliant distillation of truth, and will refer to it as needed. I'm guessing at least twice a day.

 I'm not a theologian but I do have a theology: I believe God is Who He says He is and will do what He says He will do. And He says He will renew my mind, anchoring who I am in Jesus within its center. 

Have at it, I said - and say. And He did - and does!

The Holy Spirit renews what we give to Him. So caller friend, give the Holy Spirit your whole self -- mind, soul, heart and body -- while absorbing the Word. Read it out loud. It's your friend and Savior, Jesus, talking to you. Then preach the truth to yourself! While you're blow drying your hair. Waiting at a stoplight. Folding clothes. Winding your way through the fast food drive-through.

Do you realize that something dies as our minds our renewed? You can cheer this death: the demise of lies we've accepted as truth.  All of us have weedy lies growing in our minds. But the potent truths of Who Jesus is, and who we are in Him, act as time-released lie-i-cide, obliterating the deceptions that once decimated us!

The God of the Universe has this to say to you:

I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there for you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end--because I am GOD, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you. (Isaiah 43:1-4)

My identity in Jesus was secured the day I said the yes that changes everything: Yes, I believe in you, Jesus. Save me. So is yours. Ask Him to bring this reality to life in your mind.

He does and He will.

For His Holy Spirit speaks to us deep in our souls and tells us that we are God's children. 

(Romans 8:16 NLT)