Lynne loves to give me a good challenge. I think that’s why she picked a show about teenagers (teenage BOYS, no less) and left me to write a blog about what I learned from it. Not only do I NOT have teenage brothers, nephews, or sons, I don’t even HAVE brothers, nephews, or sons. Clearly it’s going to be a while before I need that information!
Right?
Well teenagers are just not-quite-grown adults, and I do have friends in that age range that are male…and so for their sakes, I learned today. These are the things that I wish I would have known going into adulthood…and relationships. I learned by failing, but the good news is…I did learn. So hopefully from this time forward, I will do better in the communication department!
Give men (and teenager boys) time to process information and topic changes.
I’m a girl. I’m the queen of multi-tasking. I can watch an episode of House Hunters (closely enough to weigh in with my opinion on house 1, 2, or 3), while cooking (via a new recipe that I actually have to pay attention to), talking on the phone (to a friend in real crisis) and probably have a little Facebook chat on the side just for good measure. Not only can I do all those things…I can do them WELL. And I can switch gears on any of them at any point in time and keep right up with it.
Not necessarily so for the guys. To change topics…I might need to announce the topic change and wait for them to catch up. And asking a question today might mean an answer in two days…not because I was ignored or forgotten, but because of processing.
And that’s okay. Their need to take this information slowly and deliberately is not wrong, and neither is my need to take on the world at once. They’re just different. But difference works better with understanding.
Show your interest in their lives by being willing to connect over activities they enjoy.
In both my friendships and dating relationships, I’ve sat through extraordinary numbers of TV football and basketball games, seasons upon seasons of M*A*S*H, hours without end of video editing (and the subsequent hours of tweaking said editing that follow), and some slightly awkward family gatherings. Had I been given a choice, it’s possible I would have preferred scrapbooking or watching Little House or going shopping, but I knew that those things were important to the guys. I knew that somehow those moment showed them that I was interested in their world even if I didn’t remotely understand the need for hours of such things.
Probably a lifelong learning curve awaits me. But I’m determined to give it my best shot!
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